How to Handle Name Changes for Couples in Same-Sex Marriages

For same-sex couples, deciding on a shared name after marriage can be a meaningful way to establish a family identity. With so many options available today, there’s no single “right” choice. 

This guide covers inclusive name-change options for same-sex couples, offering a range of possibilities to celebrate and unify your partnership.

1. Keeping Your Own Last Names: Celebrating Your Unique Identities

For many same-sex couples, keeping each partner’s last name can feel true to their individual identity and family background. This choice respects each person’s heritage and can be ideal for couples who feel their names are integral to who they are. Keeping your last names can also simplify things if either partner has built a professional or personal brand around their name.

• Pros: Maintains personal identity, straightforward legally.
• Cons: May not convey a shared identity to others, especially if you plan to have children and want to represent a unified family name.

2. Choosing One Partner’s Last Name: A Simplified Family Identity

Some couples decide to use one partner’s last name for both individuals. This is an effective way to establish a clear family name, especially if both partners feel positive about one name over the other. For couples where one name has deep personal or cultural significance, this choice can carry special meaning.

• Pros: Easy to unify as a family and generally simple for legal purposes.
• Cons: One partner may feel they are losing part of their personal history.

3. Hyphenating Last Names: Sharing Both Identities

Hyphenating last names is a popular way for couples to represent both families equally. This choice is common for same-sex couples who value creating a shared identity while honoring both backgrounds. Hyphenated names can feel especially meaningful and inclusive, making a clear statement of unity.

• Pros: Keeps both names equally represented, creating a balanced family name.
• Cons: Some find hyphenated names cumbersome or lengthy, especially for forms or for future children.

4. Blending or Merging Last Names: Crafting a New Identity Together

Blending or merging your last names creates a unique, shared identity for your new family. Some couples combine parts of each last name to make an entirely new one, like combining “Johnson” and “Brown” into “Browson” or “Johnrow.” Merging names allows for creative expression and personalization and can help avoid attachment to one name over the other.

• Pros: Unique and personalized, truly symbolic of a fresh start together.
• Cons: Some legal paperwork may be required if this name isn’t instantly recognizable in systems, and it may be harder for friends and family to adjust.

5. Creating an Entirely New Last Name: Starting Fresh

For couples who feel neutral about their original last names, creating a completely new last name can be a fun and meaningful way to start life together. Some couples choose a word or surname that resonates with both partners or reflects their shared interests, background, or aspirations.

• Pros: Total creative freedom to select something special, a true “clean slate.”
• Cons: May require full legal name change paperwork, and some family members may take longer to get used to a brand-new name.

6. Double-Barreled Names Without Hyphens: A Flexible Compromise

If you’re looking to incorporate both last names without the formality of a hyphen, consider going with a double-barreled name. A double-barreled name (like “Taylor Smith” rather than “Taylor-Smith”) combines both names while keeping a bit of flexibility in everyday use. This option is often a good fit for those who want to represent both family names but prefer a simpler approach.

• Pros: Maintains balance and flexibility, especially for formal settings.
• Cons: Double-barreled names may cause confusion on official forms that require just one last name.

7. Middle Name as a Last Name: An Elegant Solution

One option that’s becoming increasingly popular among same-sex couples is to keep one partner’s original last name as a middle name. This approach retains both names without complicating your official last name. It’s also a great way to hold onto one’s family heritage while embracing a new identity as a couple.

• Pros: Retains both names without changing the main family name, ideal for a smooth transition.
• Cons: The middle name may not be recognized in all settings, especially in legal documents.

8. Considerations for Children: Planning for a Family

For same-sex couples planning to have children, deciding on a family name now can make things smoother later. Whether you choose one last name, hyphenate, or blend, consider how the name will feel for future kids and how it will represent your family unit. Some couples alternate last names for each child or decide on a unique name that combines elements from both partners.

• Pros: Helps build continuity for your future family, clear representation of both partners.
• Cons: May require additional planning if using different names or blending unique spellings.

9. Legal Steps for Name Changes as a Same-Sex Couple

The legal steps for changing your name are generally the same for same-sex and opposite-sex couples, but some states or counties may have varying rules on documentation, especially for nontraditional name changes.

After choosing your name, use our  How to Change Your Name After Marriage Guide to walk you through each step. This guide simplifies everything from updating your Social Security card to your passport and driver’s license.

Final Thoughts

No matter which option you choose, your name should reflect what feels right for you and your partner. Remember, this decision is personal, and there’s no one-size-fits-all approach. Whether you decide to keep, hyphenate, merge, or create a new name, each option can be a beautiful representation of your relationship and commitment.

Embrace this chance to define your family name, one that honors both of you equally and feels right for your journey together.